


Fake Boyfriends; Real Punches; True Love

by thelotusflower



Category: South Park
Genre: ...........idk, Awkward Romance, Canon Compliant, Fighting, M/M, Middle School, School Play, creek - Freeform, i seriously have no idea how to summarize, idk - Freeform, idk how to do anything, jealous! tweek, they are both in theater bcuz theater nerds, what is my writing, what is this title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 16:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15247158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelotusflower/pseuds/thelotusflower
Summary: “I told you, I want your boyfriend. He’s cute. He’s cool. He doesn’t talk too much,” he goes on, kind of sounding apathetic towards the whole thing, but his eyes trail over to Craig, and the glint in his eyes makes Tweek believe he’s not fucking with him. “I’d like to ask him out.”Before Tweek even registers what he’s doing, his fist is coming at Damien’s face. “He’s mine. Real or pretend. Nnn, he is my Craig,” he screeches.~Tweek will punch you if you try to ask his fake boyfriend out. Don't test him.





	Fake Boyfriends; Real Punches; True Love

**Author's Note:**

> idk~~~ what~~~ this~~~ even~~~ is

 

 

 

He’s sits backstage, his legs crossed, and a script of  _ Annie  _ in his hands. He watches the director talk to “Annie” (Wendy Testaburger), telling her where he wants her to stand for “It’s a Hard Knock Life.” Cartman is playing the role of a woman, “Miss Hannigan.” When everyone teased him for it, he simply told them that he gets to boss Wendy Testaburger around and all the other “bitches” in their grade, so “putting on a wig and feigning a vagina is worth it.”

 

Tweek is pretty sure Cartman is going to ruin the whole play. He’s never once shown any interest in theater up until this year, and Tweek knows his intentions are just to mess with the drama kids and yell at girls.

 

The PC principal of South Park Middle School was completely for it though. Cartman got the role almost before he even auditioned. He pitched the idea, and the principal immediately fell for it. 

 

The PC principal of South Park Middle School, in Tweek’s opinion, isn’t as bad (PC) as their elementary school principal, but it’s a pretty close race.

 

It’s Tweek’s last year at the middle school though, and he’s trying to make the most of it. He’s an eighth grader this year, meaning he actually got a major role-- _ Oliver Warbucks.  _ He feels proud of himself, but also  _ nervous.  _ Cartman might be  _ trying  _ to fuck this play up, but Tweek might plunge the whole thing down the toilet without even _ trying ( _ that’s talent.)

 

He wasn’t even  originally going for such a huge role--Craig forced him. Craig’s in theater with him too, but he’s always taken minor roles on purpose. He’s always told him that he’s just here because he has nothing better to do, but provide moral and emotional support.

 

Tweek wasn’t taking that shit this year though. He forced him to try out for a bigger role- _ -Rooster Hannigan- _ \- and he ended up getting it! This was much to Clyde’s dismay, who wanted the role of Rooster Hannigan because Bebe was trying out for Lily St. Regis, Rooster’s girlfriend in the play. Bebe did end up getting the role, causing Clyde to nearly explode with rage when he saw he was Rooster Hannigan’s mere understudy. 

 

Clyde did get the role of Annie’s butler though, which is a pretty decently sized part, but again, he only tried out to be close to Bebe.

 

Tweek has to admit though, it was kind of weird seeing Craig and Bebe act like a couple, even if they were  _ Rooster  _ and  _ Lily.  _ They sang together, were directed to hold hands, and overall just act like a  _ couple _ . Clyde was fuming, sending daggers into Craig the whole time, and Craig would discreetly send him the middle finger when their teacher wasn’t looking.

 

Whenever they have scenes, Tweek feels uneasy about it. Craig’s great. Bebe is  _ great. _ But the whole thing just makes him feel…  _ strange.  _ It’s weird seeing Craig act that  _ way  _ with someone other than himself, even if it is pretend… but then again, aren’t  _ they  _ pretend? 

 

He watches as their theater director breaks up yet  _ another  _ fight between Wendy and Cartman, and tells Bebe and Craig to come out so they can practice  _ Easy Street  _ with the fatass. (Surprise, surprise, Cartman is the person who needs to practice the most.) 

 

Kenny is playing one of the orphan girls, actually  _ wanting  _ to. Why couldn’t they just let him, someone who is genuinely into the whole crossdress thing, be the PC star of the show?

 

Tweek watches Craig and Bebe intently,  _ closely,  _ not sure what he is looking for exactly, but feeling angry, and irrationally jealous, about it. 

 

He jumps in surprise when someone in all black takes a seat next to him. He glances over, discovering it’s Damien Thorn. He shudders and twitches in his right eye, momentarily distracted from the performance on stage.

 

“Augh--uh, hi?” he greets, unsure. He’s sitting  _ way  _ too close, like unnecessarily close. Tweek scoots over from him a little. Damien’s eyes are glued on  the stage.

 

Damien doesn’t even look at him, but mumbles out a, “hi.” 

 

Tweek furrows his eyes. He’s honestly not even sure why Damien is in theater. He’s a stage hand, so he doesn’t  _ perform, _ but it never looks like he’s enjoying himself. He never says much, just floats in the background, hardly there. He only speaks to a few kids. Tweek’s anti-social himself, but Damien… Damien is  _ really  _ antisocial, which is why it’s so odd that he’s sitting so close to Tweek.

 

“I, um, can--do you want something?” he asks. 

 

A hundred things go through his mind--what if Damien wanted to be Warbucks? What if he actually tried out for him, and Tweek got the part, and Damien’s pissed? What if he is going to threaten him, demanding he get the part? 

 

Damien takes a moment to answer, but eventually, “your  _ boyfriend.” _

 

And then he just leaves it there. 

 

Like,  _ that  _ is what he wants. 

 

Really?

 

Tweek gapes, unsure what to say, or do, or how to even take that. He pulls on his hair, and makes a, “laugh!” before saying, “what--what, nnn, what do you mean?”

 

He nods over to Craig. Tweek briefly takes his eyes off Damien to look over to him. He’s smiling and singing his verse in the song. He’s really gotten better since elementary school.

 

He looks over back at Damien, flustered. Damien’s eyes are on Craig though.

 

“Rumor has it, you guys are pretending to be in a relationship.”

 

In all honesty, Tweek isn’t even sure at this point. He doesn’t remember the last time he and Craig discussed it. Craig holds his hand. Craig calls him  _ babe  _ and  _ honey _ , and puts his arm around him occasionally. Craig gives him random, small gifts sometimes just _because_ , but it’s not like they’ve ever  _ discussed  _ what any of it means.  Tweek’s found that whether or not, it’s real or fake, he  _ likes  _ his pretend relationship with the boy. Craig seems fond of it to, so Tweek doesn’t see the point of causing stress, or dealing with the pressure of labeling it as ‘real’ or ‘fake’. Also, pretend relationships honestly seem a like a lot less pressure.

 

Still, Tweek doesn’t know how to respond. He sits agape for a moment, twitching, and clenching his fists.

 

“So, yes?” he asks.

 

“Augh!” Tweek grumbles, shaking his head. “Jesus! Why do you care?”

 

Damien looks at him now. He is smirking, slightly. Tweek narrows his eyes on him. This only  _ pisses _ him off. Who the hell does he think he is? Tweek clenches a fist again.

 

“I told you, I  _ want  _ your boyfriend. He’s cute. He’s cool. He doesn’t talk too much,” he goes on, kind of sounding apathetic towards the whole thing, but his eyes trail over to Craig, and the glint in his eyes makes Tweek believe he’s not fucking with him. “I’d like to ask him out.”

 

Before Tweek even registers what he’s doing, his fist is coming at Damien’s face. “He’s  _ mine.  _ Real or pretend. Nnn, he is  _ my  _ Craig,” he screeches.

 

Damien has sort of fallen over onto his back at the punch. He’s holding onto his nose. He looks at him with narrowed eyes and sharp, inturn eyebrows, and Tweek swears he sees red in his eyes, causing him to literally  _ scream,  _ not even touched by him, yet.  Damien proceeds to throw a punch at him. It honestly didn’t hurt as much as Tweek predicted, but still  _ hurt. B _ efore Tweek can even retaliate, everyone is crowded over the two boys, Craig and their theater director in front.

 

Craig pulls Tweek into him, sheltering him in his arms, even though he is the one who started the fight. Honestly, though, his knuckles hurt more than the spot where Damien hit him. 

Most of all though, he’s just shook by the  _ look  _ Damien gave him. God, that will probably keep him up for _nights_. He doesn’t realize he’s shaking, until Craig has fully wrapped his arms around him, clinging to him into a secure hug. “what the fuck happened here?" he asks.

 

Damien explains that Tweek started it, which Tweek can’t really  _ object  _ to, considering he  _ did _ . When the teacher asks him if this is true, Tweek just mumbles a, "yes," into his ‘pretend’ boyfriend and shrugs against him.

 

Their theater director sends Tweek home early. He sends Craig home early too, after being flipped off by the idiotic boy.

 

Tweek also gets a three day detention.

  
  


They walk home together. Tweek scolds Craig on how he shouldn’t have flipped their director off before Craig can even mention the fight.

 

“Why--augh--why did you do that--you should have stayed! You need the practice.”

 

“Harsh, Tweek.”

 

He has a headache. The place where Damien hit him begins to throb slightly. He doesn’t normally get into fights with people. He normally stays out of trouble, unlike Craig, who already  _ somehow  _ has three detentions lined up next week, as well.  It’s so  _ annoying  _ because Craig misses so much practice because of all his detentions, and even when there _ isn’t  _ practice, Craig is in detention, and not with him on the bus. He doesn’t know why he can’t just stay out of trouble. Craig claims to not know either.

 

“I’m just---rrr, saying, you’re always in detention. You miss a lot of practice. I don’t want them to throw you out, and replace you with Clyde. The play already suffers with Cartman.”

 

Craig takes a moment to respond. He hears him sigh, very silently, but very agitated.

 

It’s one of those rarer, warmer days in South Park, where there is slush and puddles, and it doesn’t feel like your face is completely going to fall off. 

 

He has to admit, though, if Clyde  _ did  _ replace him, he wouldn’t have to watch him and Bebe anymore, which would be nice, in a way. 

 

_ Wow, is he really that fucking jealous to think that? _

 

He’s honestly just sputtering off bullshit, just so Craig can’t ask about the fight. They won’t replace him, and even if they did, Craig wouldn’t really care that much. He honestly probably would just care most about letting Clyde win.

 

“They aren’t going to replace me. Clyde is terrible.”

 

He says it so surely. Tweek doesn’t get him. He really doesn’t; how he can just not  _ care,  _ and  be so  _ sure. _  About  _everything._ __ Tweek cares  _ so  _ much, and feels absolute uncertainty regarding pretty much  _ everything  _ and  _anything_ , which is why he’s avoiding this conversation about the fight so intensely.

 

“They wouldn’t have made him the understudy, if they thought so," Tweek argues weakly. He just wants to stall.

 

“Well, I’ll just beat him up the day before opening night. Then, he won’t be able to do it anymore, and they’ll _need_ me to do it. Alright. Solved,” he declares. Tweek looks at him with a frown and stare of disapproval. He does not condone violence against  _ friends.  _ B efore Tweek can even respond though, Craig is already on the next subject. “So, Tweek, why did you decide to attack Damien Thorn today?”

 

Tweek reddens, turning away. He shakes his head. “I-I didn’t attack him.”

 

“You gave him a bloody nose, babe,” Craig protests.

 

Tweek notices Craig has stopped walking, but he doesn’t want to turn to him. He doesn’t want to look him in the eyes. He feels too fidgety. His stomach is full of fluttering, anxiety-prone butterflies whom are all on the verge of panic attacks. 

After a moment, Craig walks to the side of him, running two fingers over the spot where Damien hit him. He winces slightly at the contact, closing his eyes. Craig's fingers momentarily brush across his cheek. His fingers are gone before he can even really take it in.

 

“Does it hurt?” Craig asks after a moment. 

 

Tweek opens his eyes to Craig's concerned gaze.

 

Tweek shrugs. “Just--nnngh, feels like… tension.”

 

There is  _ no one,  _ absolutely,  _ no one _ , outside. South Park is so fucking weird. On the coldest days of the year, the streets will be flooded, but on a day like today, where it almost seems they could maybe,  _ just maybe _ , have another season besides winter, everyone stays in their homes.

 

Craig frowns, and then begins walking forward again, but he takes Tweek’s hand this time. Tweek walks with him, afraid Craig will ask again, but also fearing the silence of Craig’s disapproval.

 

“I just want to know what he said to make you that mad,” Craig finally says. 

 

“Augh,” he rolls his eyes. He doesn’t even know how to word it. What if Craig gets weird about it? He runs his thumb over Craig’s hand, stops walking, and burrows his forehead into the side of Craig’s shoulder. He winces at the slight pain of his temple, but doesn’t move back.

 

“Tweek.” His name almost comes out almost as a whine. “Come on, tell me, honey. Please,” He pleads, running a hand over his back.

 

“Ahhh, Jesus!” he shakes his head, moving back from his ‘pretend’ love. “I don’t even know how to word it--how to tell you. I don’t know. He was saying, nnnngh, that he liked you, and wanted to go out with you, and that we are pretending, so he was gonna ask you out.”

 

Craig stands, agape. His eyebrows knit together, confusion in those deep, gray eyes of his. “What?” he simply questions.

 

“AUGH!” Tweek exclaims, ripping his hand out of Craig’s grip. He begins to stride forward, blush creeping onto his cheeks. He needs to just get  _ away  _ from Craig. This conversation--it’s too much. 

 

“Tweek!” Craig yells, quickly striding after him. He’s soon at his side again, pulling onto his wrist for him to stop.

 

Tweek’s not going to get away from him. Craig has long legs and a lot more endurance. Tweek grimaces. He can’t run away from this conversation.

 

“He wanted to ask  _ me  _ out?”

 

Tweek nods, too ashamed to make eye contact. 

 

“So… you punched him.”

 

Tweek grumbles, rolling his eyes. He wants to glare at Craig, but still can’t find the ability to look him in the eye. So, instead he shoves him, causing Craig to flinch back and let go of his wrist. Craig winces. “What was  _ that  _ for?” he asks.

  
“Rrrr, you already know I punched him, dude!” Tweek finally looks him in the eye. He’s frowning at him.

 

“Yeah. I’m just trying to figure it out…,” he states, making Tweek, sort of, feel bad. Is he really  _ that  _ clueless? Or is he just purposely playing dumb? Either way, Tweek doesn’t feel bad for shoving the idiot.

 

“It was just fucked up!” Tweek exclaims, throwing his hands up. “Who--augh--says that? Even if--rrrr,--,” he pulls on his hair. He groans.

 

Craig laughs.

 

He glowers at him, letting his hands fall to his side, only pulling out a few hairs before doing so.

 

Craig is, sort of,  _ grinning.  _ It’s a smug grin though. It pisses Tweek off.

 

“Were you seriously  _ that  _ jealous?”

 

Tweek feels his whole face flush. He grumbles, sucking in a long, jagged breath. He clenches his fists. 

 

“Bebe’s been telling me that you’ve been giving her daggers all week, but I didn’t believe her, but now I kind of, actually do.”

 

Tweek yelps out a snarl. “AUGH!” he reacts. He continues marching again, not really  _ trying  _ to get away any longer, but also wanting to get home so he can just get away from Craig, and put his face in a pillow for the rest of the day. “I’m--not, Craig.”

 

“Mhmmmmm. That’s why you gave Satan’s  _ son _ , a bloody nose. Tweek, that’s dangerous. That’s some…  _ crazy  _ shit.”

 

“Are you calling me crazy?!” he flips his head toward his ‘pretend’ boyfriend, glaring at him.

 

Craig licks his lips, and looks away. He puts his hands in his pockets. “No… that’s  _ not  _ what I said.”

 

A moment passes. Tweek looks forward. Craig is seriously starting to piss him off. Can’t he just drop it? 

 

“You just did something irrational, and…  _ bad,  _ and it was kind of  _ crazy.  _ Because that’s literally Satan’s  _ son _ , dude.”

 

Tweek runs a hand over his forehead. He honestly wasn’t even thinking about that. He just really wanted to punch him. He couldn’t  _ help  _ himself. “AUGH!” he yelps. “You’re seriously the fucking worst, man. Why, rrrr, why are you making me think about that? Just stop." He is walking faster now, but Craig easily matches his speed.

 

Craig is closer to him now, but Tweek’s not making any attempt to move. If he goes any further on his side of the sidewalk, he’ll be in the snow.

 

“I’m sorry. I know. It’s just… it’s just, you had to be  _ super  _ jealous to beat up Satan’s son over me.” 

 

Tweek whimpers at little at this. He is probably going to be damned to hell because of this, and forever tortured. Why did he do that? Why couldn’t he just let it go?

 

Craig wraps an arm around his torso, bringing him closer into his side. Tweek kind of wants to push him off for being such a huge,  _ dick  _ about the whole thing, but he also likes the warmth, and comfort, and just… _ Craig.  _ So, he lets him stay there. 

 

“You are about to be next if you don’t just shut the fuck up about it.” 

 

He leans into him a little.

 

Craig is smiling. He is running circles over his back. “Fine,” he murmurs. Tweek feels himself sort of winding down. Craig’s always pretty good at that task. After a minute, Craig adds, “don’t worry, I’d fight them for you if they try anything.”

 

“AUGH--them? Supernatural, demonic creatures? You’d fight  _ Satan _ ?”

 

Craig just shrugs, like it’s not really a big deal. “If they tried to mess with you, I mean, yeah. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?”

 

Tweek shakes his head, but finds himself smiling, in spite of himself. “You would lose.”

 

“Thanks for the support, honey.”

 

Tweek laughs. “Nnnngh--They’ve got way too much power, man. There’s no way.”

 

“I’ve got the power of  _ looooove, _ ” he murmurs softly into his ear, only for Tweek to hear, even though there is no one around anyways to catch the words.

 

Tweek is blushing,  _ hard.  _ He laughs. “You are so…. Gay.”

 

He shrugs. He unwraps his arm from him, and takes his hand instead. He swings their arms between them. “You are the one who punched a guy over him calling me hot.”

 

Tweek nearly screams at this. He squeezes Craig’s hand, and bumps his shoulder into him. “AUGH--get over it, dude."

 

“No.” He simply says. “I, will, never, ever, get over  _ it...” _

 

Tweek just glowers at him.

 

“Unless you admit that you were  _ jealous _ .”

 

Tweek bunches up his entire face. He takes a moment to respond, but eventually, “fine. I was jealous. H-happy?” he resentfully states.

 

Craig has a little pink to his cheeks. He is also smiling enough for that little dimple that Tweek likes so much is popping out. “Yes.”

 

Tweek can’t resist to smile back. He even thinks that  _ maybe  _ seeing that dimple was worth admitting that. Maybe.

 

The rest of the walk home is pretty odinary. Craig quits harassing him about Damien, instead just chatting about unimportant matters. 

 

When they get to his house, he gets this  _ deep, weird,  _ urge to kiss him. He’s wanted to do it before, but he’s never actually  _ considered, actually _ , doing it, up until this point.

 

He is stalling, but then again, Craig isn’t in any rush to leave, just hovering about at the end of his driveway, leaning his weight onto one foot and then the other. Tweek considers inviting him inside, but he has to tell his parents about the detentions--he won’t be able to work those days, and Craig  _ probably  _ shouldn’t be around for that. Also, he's got a terrible headache and he kind of just wants to sleep it off.

 

He doesn’t want to let him go though, yet. He’s still holding his hand. It’s not even that  _ cold  _ out. Usually, by the end of the walk, he’s just dying to go indoors. 

 

“Thanks for getting yourself kicked out of practice so you could walk with me,” Tweek tells him.

 

Craig smiles. “Anything for you, doll.”

 

Tweek smiles back. That a new one. He doesn’t mind it though. He actually likes it. A lot.

 

Tweek  _ knows  _ his parents are watching them. His father is still, wildly, into their relationship. He doesn’t want to do anything  _ too  _ dramatic, but he also can’t ignore the swelling, demanding urge inside him to do  _ something.  _

 

Also, aren’t they  _ supposed  _ to be putting on a show anyways?   
  


So, he leans forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek, before telling him goodbye. Craig’s blushing, but grinning widely at him. He waves back as Tweek walks up his driveway. Tweek can’t stop smiling.

 

‘Real’ or ‘Fake’, Craig is _his,_ and no one else is allowed to have him. If he has to punch someone to get the point across, that’s exactly what he’ll do.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> so. tweek is for sure, 100% the jealous type. like have you PLAYED tfbw? he so is. bye.


End file.
